Written by Mother’s Day 2013.
It’s that day again. A day when I look in the mirror and search for the greatest things about my mother. I look for those attributes in the reflection I see, knowing that were I to spy any, I’d be a better version of me. I think of where I’ve come from as far back as I can see. And I know that there was my mom also, so close, pushing me the best to be. I picture her face now, and the glow that son’s see their mom’s in. And I think how fortunate I was to have her, where my life did begin. It’s a special day today, because it’s about mom, and she’d never have it that way. So, I just hope there’s something I do that honors her more than words can say. For now, though, I will go with, Mom, I love you. Happy Mother’s Day.
The following is a piece I wrote for Mother’s Day 2012. This morning I read through this again, and I have added some more content in doing so.
Sometimes there’s a plan, a grand scheme with the details all but ironed out. Other times there’s a discussion, maybe even a decision made, but no rock solid plan, just see what happens. Then there are scenarios with no plan, just an ongoing discussion that could just as easily be decided by flipping a coin. Still other times, there may or may not be a plan, but someone imposes their will, removing all choice. The point is this, there’s probably a million different scenarios as to how women end up being mother’s and they’re all vitally important. Plans are great, but life happens, mom’s happen.
Today is Mother’s Day. A day to honor Mother’s everywhere. A day to honor the special women who have taken on the most important job on the planet. That’s my opinion, and to me, it’s not really much of a coincidence that the moral fabric of our society began to unravel at an even more alarming rate as more and more mothers went to work full-time. I understand. I know there’s this thing called equality but I always wondered why so many mothers were willing to gamble on gaining a status that was lower than the pedestal that many of us already held you on. I know folks have to make ends meet. I also know that careers aren’t more important than the future. Careers are done when retirement happens, or when our time here on this earth is done. The future is the promise that lies ahead. And the future is our kids. And our kids are in the best hands when their mother is the one doing the holding.
I know that not all moms are the best mom’s, and some probably shouldn’t even be a mom, to begin with. That’s not a lot different from the big picture anyways. I mean not everyone is the best at their job, some people shouldn’t be in their jobs, some are just plain lousy, some get fired. But mom’s don’t get fired. Once a mom, always a mom.
It’s May 13, 2012. It’s Mother’s Day. Millions will receive Happy Mother’s Day greetings today. Rightfully so. But not every mother’s day is a happy mother’s day. However, every day from the start of life, a mother is a mother. There are no timeouts. There are no breaks. There’s no choice as to whether she feels like being a parent today or not. There’s every day. There’s every hour of every day. Every hour, being a mother. I know there are 60 minutes in most of the hours I come up against, but I know that mothers often find a way to get more than that out of an hour.
Here’s how I see it. I could be wrong. I am only a man. In my life, I have noticed that mother’s show up every day. They don’t get sick days. When they are sick for even a day, it affects more people than if I was sick for a whole week. Mother’s are the beginning and the end. The first to rise and care for any need or concern and the last to make sure all is well and make sure all are at rest. Mother’s are so versatile. They can dress up, smile, and look oh so pretty. They can do the work of many, getting dirty, getting the jobs done, smiling along the way, all while nurturing someone else, and teaching yet another, this, while preparing a home we all want to come home to.
Mothers:
They stand up for what’s right and defend their young. They love us. They long for the best for us. They hurt when we hurt, sometimes they even hurt more. They see the trouble we skirt around and hope the lessons they’ve taught us to spare us from that which we face. They love us some more. They hold us. They make the worst moment or day feel like it was nothing because mom is there for us. They push us to standards we may never have reached, or at least saved us years of figuring it out on our own. They are our biggest cheerleaders. They have no issue showing how much they love us and how much they care for us. They’re not on call, they are the ones who make the call when their love and care is not enough. They are the fabric that keeps a home from becoming just a structure we pass through. They hold the most important job in the world. They are mothers.
I am certain that there’s no script which tells mom how to be a mom, although the Bible is a good start, and everything in between, until the finish. There’s no guide that says, this is what you do in every single situation. Motherhood is hands on. The more you get in there and roll up your sleeves, and just love, the more mom you are. The more you have given of yourself the more mom you are. Mom’s have goals, and honestly, I wish I knew more about that. I will make it a point to find out, immediately. I don’t know what my mom’s goals were, or what they are, but I know that one goal had to have been to be the best mom she could ever be.
I am just a man. A father. A son. A husband (twice). I have been blessed beyond my own comprehension to have the people in my life that I have. I have tremendous kids. The best kids I could ever ask for. My three oldest kids have a great mother and she is much more than partially responsible for the excellence that the kids strive for. She’s their mother and a good mother at that. Happy Mother’s Day Sue.
My three youngest kids also have a tremendous mother. Amaris, my wife, she is a mom all hours of the day. She works a full-time job, one that she is a superstar in. She has a bright future in her job/career, but she longs to be where her kids are. She still finds time to always be a mom. She works very hard to manage the many aspects of life that seems so much busier now than it was when I grew up. Like mom’s I have described here, she still is a mom, 24 hours a day, work or not. She has the loving touch and the words to say that make everything alright. She can transition from career woman, superstar to super mom just as quickly as she can fire off a mood-altering smile. She is a mom. I am currently a stay-at-home dad thanks to my wife’s efforts. This experience has only strengthened my already strong feelings for the responsibility of motherhood. Happy Mother’s Day Amaris! You are truly an inspiration to me and so many others.
My mom was born during World War II in New Brunswick, Canada. She grew up in a different world than it is today. She lived in rural farmlands with five brothers and four sisters. Ten kids in a small home on a farm. All the kids learned to do everything that was necessary to make the household and small farm run. Along the way she was picking up the nuggets, she would apply in motherhood. I have been fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with my mom in the last several years, and I have heard her tell me word-for-word, some of the things that her mother imparted to her while growing up. She was married in 1964, and in 1967 she suddenly transformed from small-town girl and wife to mother. I am sure she had more than a few moments where she wasn’t sure how to proceed. This is where her own mother’s teachings, the things she picked up throughout her upbringing in a church-going family rooted in the Bible, came into play. My dad was a pastor and in political terms, my mom was the First Lady of the church. Little did any of them know just how amazing she was and would be.
I am fortunate enough to visit with my mom and dad almost every single week. I enjoy hearing about their lives today, their lives growing up, and their lives while I was growing up. Somehow my mom remembers more than I will ever recall. I thoroughly enjoy the stories, insights, and lessons that I still learn from my mother each week. Mom is still a mom. I am grown with kids of my own, but she will always be my mother. I am eternally grateful for my mother. She is a very special woman.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom! There should be a year full of days to honor moms like you. You have been amazing and continue to be amazing. I know you would be the first to deny or downplay such a statement. You would gently deflect such words to a clean corner in the house where they might otherwise be better served. I said amazing and I mean amazing. If we all lived in a day and age where consistency, reliability, and unconditional love were commonplace, you would still measure as amazing in my book. You are still present and participating in the role of wife and mother. It’s been nearly 48 (now 49) years as a wife and almost 45 (going on 46 years now) years as a mother. I don’t know if you or anyone really know what they’re getting into, becoming a mother. Selfishly, I am glad that the little girl who grew up in the big family, a family that had to work for everything they had, a girl who learned all those lessons from her mom, dad, and siblings was the one who grew up to be my mother.
I get along with most everyone, thanks to my mother. I love the weather, thanks to my mother. I love wildlife and the outdoors, thanks to my mother. I notice things in nature that others miss, thanks to my mother. I know that fierce competitiveness can be attained while calmly smiling, thanks to my mother. I got to know our family, some of the greatest people I have ever known, thanks to my mother.
I marvel at you mom. The speed of life, the immediate gratification of almost every whim pursued, and the access to limitless amounts of thoughtless garbage, have done nothing to change you. Some might say you are stubborn, but if stubborn means being strong, standing for your beliefs, and not backing down to the many forms of adversity, then I hope I am stubborn too. Winds change, weather ravages, misguided youth decide in err, circumstances nearby deteriorate, time wears on the physical being, and there you are, standing strong. Maybe you’re slightly bent now, from huddling over us to protect us from the things that could have hurt us, but still, you stand, smiling, reaching for the sun and the light we all wish to see. You are still the hard-working girl from a family that didn’t know any different. You don’t wait and wonder how something can be done, you don’t try, you do. Sometimes you ask me to help, and I am honored to do so, thinking things through so that I can provide the same quality you would. You are good people as they say. You always will be no matter what goes on around you. You are special in many ways, and you have been a blessing to so many people. You are strong, well versed in the Scriptures, and unyielding in your beliefs. You love always. You help others, always. While the disruption of life traveling too fast sweeps many details past the masses, you find the need or the detail that would make someone’s day and you don’t miss that opportunity others would have missed. Your measurement of a good day is based on the comfort and happiness of those around you. You rarely put yourself ahead of anyone else, and if you do, you feel bad about it. You live to love and everyone who knows you feels it too. You love to live even if your living isn’t the definition that those who want to ‘live life’ would use. I know I will never see all the things you have seen Mom, but I certainly hope to have felt the things you have felt. Living, not for the things, but for the joys of time spent doing those things which you love, is what I see in you Mom. I hope to have lived life like you someday Mom. Happy Mother’s Day Mom! I love you.