Separate Ways

Last night I awoke from a deep sleep with words spilling from what’s left of the corners of my mind. I laid awake in bed for an hour or two and recited words to myself as I formulated thoughts. This morning I knew I would have some time to sit and put something together. And this, from the perspective of a young boy, with some twenty plus years of adult insight, is what I came up with.

As I sat and wrote, spanning several hours, I cried. I cried for the pains that I have caused. I cried for the pains that I see. I cried for the pains that I cannot appease. So, I pray, Lord give me patience, grace, and strength, help us all, please.

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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

I hear Mom at the table, head in hands, sobbing as she weeps.

Can I just get to sleep and dream of the all the things I used to?

My siblings and I try to figure is there a part of this we can undo.

 

I can’t wait for tomorrow and I hope life will all be normal again.

My eyes swell, words mumble, my least favorite word is, when.

 

What have I done that took apart one and made it into three?

We were one, now it’s Mom, Dad, all us kids including me.

 

My friends have what I used to, parents, family to have, to hold.

This is not the way life is supposed to go, I am not that old.

 

Dad is gone, he works hard, it’s not that I think I will even care.

As long as I can count on, where I am, there also will he be there.

 

Mom doesn’t let us pay this way, why must I get time in IOU’s?

It seems to me the harder they try the more that we all lose.

 

To us kids, everything we know has come from Mom and from Dad.

Now I don’t know where to run, with whom to stand, glad becomes sad.

In public I play calm but want to cry, Dad on one side, then there’s Mom.

We go separate ways, I look away wanting more time, my hand in his palm.

 

Home is just the place we live, but not all at the same time, anymore.

I think of the dreams, the plans we made, with this man I still adore.

 

It’s hard to focus as I scan the faces for the one that I wish to see.

But it’s a sea of others all blending together like they are staring at me.

 

How do I get through this when the guy I lean on is talking way over there?

Trying my best, everything seems to be a blur, and why must I compare?

 

Mom is all stressed out and none of us know exactly how we should be.

She wants some help, the best for us, to be loved, or just to be free.

 

My brother plays it cool while the rest of us just can’t seem to sit still.

Is it true that for everything we have in life, there also must be a bill?

 

The weekend is coming and I don’t know what that’ll mean, or who I get.

But I will put on a smile, push my feelings all down, and try not to be upset.

Tonight I will sleep, and fondly I will dream, of sunshine, smiles and better days.

I will cherish the time, the hugs and kisses until we all go our separate ways.