I Choose Joy, She Said

~I Choose Joy, She Said~

 

It’s 3:16 am, and I am awake before my alarm. My body is tired from driving 1,000 plus miles and working 30 plus hours over the past 3 days. But my internal clock woke me early because my mind has things to do. The 3:16 made me think of John 3:16 and that’s a good start to any day.

 

 

 

So, while laying in the dark, wishing I was still asleep, my mind let me know that as more sleep was concerned, I had no chance. Then after several minutes a new thought wandered into my mind. “Wait, what day is it? Saturday? Is it really Saturday?” I reached for my phone, yup, it says, Saturday, April 26.

Okay, that’s better. It’s Saturday. I don’t have to get up and work today. But my mind didn’t care. So, I got up with thoughts swirling in my head, and my heart laden with a rather incoherent message. But I got up, came downstairs, put on a pot of coffee, and started my laptop to sort this message out.

I drive for Grappone, and I get up at 4:03 am on Monday’s, Wednesday’s, and Friday’s. On average, those days are ten plus hour work days while covering three hundred plus miles. But really, this isn’t about me. Moreover, my body gets into the routine of waking early and getting started. My mind and body don’t really care what day it is, as it relates to what time I would like to sleep until.

4:03 am? Yes, I choose not to set alarms on even numbers or on ‘the fives’ because that just seems way too common or average to me. Plus, it’s my alarm, it’s pretty quiet, but it wakes me up. And four plus three is seven, which is my favorite number. Anyways, where was I?

Oh yes, sorting out the swirling thoughts and my deeply burdened heart ever since Wednesday afternoon.

I have always loved driving and before I could drive I would sit directly behind my Dad and watch him drive. I watched how he worked his feet and his hands. I looked where he looked. By the time I got my license (the day after Christmas a long time ago) I knew my way around pretty well. There were no phones or distractions back then. I just watched my Dad and noted all the landmarks, turns, and information he shared both in words and in action. 

I still love driving. Especially driving north from here. Thankfully, I drive the ‘North Route’ three days per week. Some refer to this route as the ‘route that nobody wants to drive’. I enjoy it.

 

 

Again, not about me. Just a place to start this story about our team, our work family, the culture, Grappone. Our drivers work long hard hours. I am still blown away by how much help we offer to one another within our group every single day. It really is awesome. We check on each other, and pick up where someone else leaves off. Our customers wait, so we get these things done as seamlessly as possible. Honestly, I believe that this group is just a sampling of what one might find if they were to dissect any other area of the Grappone work family. 

Listen, here’s the deal. You cannot fake the impact or the reputation that Grappone has well beyond the reaches of Bow Junction. I hear it every single day on the route I drive, and I spend most of such days well over 100 miles away from that little slice of Route 3A. Honestly, 100 years of an uncompromised commitment to team members, guests, and community adds up to a real result. Making a promise and then literally delivering on it. Over and over again. That is real. It is true. More such stories are so badly needed in this day and age. 

It’s this last paragraph and 100 years of volumes just like it that has had my head spinning since Wednesday. I know, I know, I’ve been here less than a year. 

But when my personal core statements are aligned with the mission statement of a company that has earned the reputation that Grappone has built over the last 100 years, I feel the symmetry, the kinship. Like I stepped into the company timeline without missing a step. There has been a deep connection, and it was immediate.

I would even say all of this symmetry was magnified for me before I even was hired because of my dear friend Phil. I know Phil to be as true as geographic north. Phil’s twenty-five plus years with Grappone and our families loving, caring, honest relationship with one another lifted the Grappone entity onto a pedestal. Perhaps, rightfully so.

Yes, there are ups and downs in life, in business, in family, and so on. And my route, any of our routes, they all don’t flow easily and effortlessly every day. Not even close. Same across the company, right? Things happen. But these people are working hard. 

Generations of employees have worked hard to do their best. To do the right thing. To build a family business with a tremendous reputation. A reputation that isn’t even solely based on the business that they are in. Ask enough people and you will find that many folks know Grappone for their work in the community and how they treat their employees. Most of those same people couldn’t even tell you more than two or three brands that Grappone sells.

 

 

So there are struggles. It’s hard work. Yet, team after team has been committed to overcoming obstacles and lifting one another up to get the job done. And I believe that we (as Grappone employees) have a leadership team that cares about us. That loves us. That would do anything in their power to be fiscally responsible and bring as many of us as they possibly could along for the ride.

Which leads me to this. My alarm goes off at 4:03 am on my scheduled work days. My alarm is named, “Welcome to the Major Leagues”. I named it that because I needed to shift my mindset from reactionary (which I still struggle with every single day) to grateful. 

Grateful, like, everything in my day is working for me, for the betterment of me. Pain, struggle, frustration, etc. all of it to teach me. To slow me down so I can better learn. Joy, excitement, beauty, etc. all of it a result and celebration of what I have learned so far. Gratitude.

When I was a boy I wanted to play Major League Baseball. I was in the yard dreaming, playing, practicing for thousands of hours. I would have told you then that I wanted that more than anything else in the world. But that wasn’t true.

I wanted love and relationships. I wanted to serve others, starting with my parents, and my family. Over time my heart pulled me in all sorts of directions, and what I once dreamed of may not have been the best answer for me to learn and grow.

Maybe on some work days it would not be best for me to have a seamless, efficient day. A day where everything flows just like riding up I-91 with the cruise control set and beautiful scenery unfolding all around me. Instead I have days designed for me to learn. I need to learn so that I can better understand and appreciate the fullness of life. 

There is fullness of life in joy and happiness for sure. But there is the need for pain and suffering, what we might call adversity, in order to fully realize the boundless potential and freedom found in the fullness of life.

After I started working at Grappone I eventually started doing the ‘north route’ on my own. I had the best training ever, but I was still anxious. I made so many mistakes, but I vowed to be better. I made those vows public to the people around me just in case I didn’t follow through on my own. They could call me on it. These people were too kind and patient for me to let them down.

I did get better, but some mornings the workload was large, like huge. And all I could think about was the three hundred plus miles I had to cover. No matter how long it took me to check parts against invoices and load my truck. I had to cover eight to ten hours of driving the route. And that part was my favorite part.

 

 

Frustration was creeping into my mindset too many times, which I am sure led me to less than exemplary reactions to my work circumstances on some days. I knew this couldn’t continue and I had to shift my mindset.

I am not good at this stuff. I am like an immovable boulder sometimes. Or at least my headspace is. But I removed enough obstacles and finally the boulder started to roll, slowly.

Then one morning I said to myself, “Hey, you’re working for a great company. A leader in the industry. A colossal player in the parts world. Why don’t I just tell myself that I am working in the Major Leagues of auto parts delivery”. Too corny? Maybe. But entirely true.

I had this thought while driving from the South Lot up to Bow Junction at five in the morning. I pulled up to my first loading door and parked the truck. Right there in the cab of the truck I grabbed my phone, opened my clock app, and renamed my alarm.

This gets me to the next thoughts that I need to approach my day. First, gratitude. Like a kid rehearsing his post game interview after hitting a walk-off World Series winning home run, again and again in his backyard. I am just thankful to be here. To have the opportunity to deliver (no pun intended) in key situations for my team, for our customers, for my Creator, etc.

Next thought. Love. The unconditional kind. Love for me in these terms encompasses the idea that what I want, my expectation, may not actually be what’s best for me, now, today, or any day. So love. Love the process, the opportunity to learn and grow, and live fully.

 

 

To me, if you are grateful and truly love, then you find joy and beauty in almost everything. Why? Because that is what I call contentment. I could go on about that but I won’t here. But I will continue with a key word here. That word is joy. Which leads me to this.

Yesterday I drove three-hundred forty something miles on my route. Many hours of being a content person with lots of time to think. And during those hours, I thought a lot about Grappone. I couldn’t stop thinking about Wednesday’s meeting, and so much more. Through all of that, one line just kept coming back to me. “I choose joy”. What a great line. What a great commitment.

 

 

I said that line out loud, over and over again throughout my day. But it wasn’t my line, it was someone else’s line. Which led me to this. 

I have heard people refer to our leader as our angel, a warm wonderful person, and a respected leader with tremendous compassion. To hear her voice crack and see her body bend but not break under the immeasurable weight in the room. That, and her chosen word of “excruciating” was enough to bring tears from every corner of that room. I am certain that I was not alone when my heart tried to leap from my chest and help her out. To make right all that seemed so wrong. 

But she stood. She spoke to us. She was strong. So strong. So courageous. For her family. For each and everyone of us. 

Two days later, I repeated her line “I choose joy” again and again. I recorded this poem in bits and pieces, speaking hands free into my phone’s voice recorder.

 

I Choose Joy, She Said

 

I choose joy, she said, from the platform on which she stood.

And I knew in that moment, she could look at anything and find the good.

I choose joy, her voice cracked and her body bent under the lode. 

Like she was the last span of a bridge connecting two distant roads. 

I choose joy, I heard, and it echoed through my mind.

The best answer is close, right in front of you, not too hard to find.

I choose joy, she said, I couldn’t make the words go away.

And I thought, pride comes before the fall, I had heard someone say.

I choose joy, she said, there isn’t much more to know.

So why do we feel all torn apart inside to see the past just go?

I choose joy, her voice wavered, through the pain she had to choose.

And we knew only the ground she had already walked in her shoes.

I choose joy, she said, she turned, exposing something, maybe wings. 

An angel to so many of us, with the hope that she brings. 

Management, owners, leaders, certainly all those currently employed.

Each of us are shocked and quite a bit dazed, but I too, try to choose joy.

Two days later, I’m working but still I can hear, I choose joy.

And I can’t help but wonder if it would be different if she were a boy. 

 

 

 

Before the poem I spoke into my recorder, I had written another poem. A slightly different flavor. All while trying to make sense of the position everyone was, in a single moment, put in. 

 

Win Another Day

 

What does that old Bible verse say? Pride comes before destruction and a vain spirit before a fall.

That’s what I was thinking as I listened to the petite woman that casts a shadow one hundred years tall.

My heart was beating fast and the words stirred my soul. For her, I was willing to run through a wall.

How did this happen? Like an enemy had breached our company’s heart-quarters in an upstairs hall.

I joined the family by choice, they employed me, and I chose to work, almost a full year since the start.

If family is where life begins, a realm where love never ends. Then why is this news crushing my heart?

And love, does it not run timeless and nurture. While propelling others forward as it gently leads.

Or is that only true, when all the others are the priority, above a company of one and their own needs.

I shared the tip of the iceberg when I quickly condensed a year of thoughts, writing Like Coming Home.

I call it like I see it, and what I heard that night didn’t feel right despite all the things that I really don’t know.

I am not entirely certain of the reasons why this has unleashed such a flow of thought and emotion to be withstood. 

I told her I am all in, despite not grasping why I have reached directly for her, but I trust it’s for a greater good.

I told her that she comes across as the literal embodiment of an open door policy, open and welcoming.

With her inside, cheerful, a smile waiting to happen. And it doesn’t matter just who might walk in.

I thanked her for her patience with me, all of my words, for engaging in chat, and for not running away.

It’s probably best that time marches on and day gives way to night. We all rest and she gets up to win another day.